you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
