Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
