Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize