4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
