i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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