four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
