I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
