Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
