How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
