I love black thongs
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize