I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
