Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I smell like Dick and happiness
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
