I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
