in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
