Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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