I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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