Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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