kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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