I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
