Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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