the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
