jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
