**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
