You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
