there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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