wat bout pragnant strippers??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
