The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
