Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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