You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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