if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
