I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
