fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
