i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
