I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
