I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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