I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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