It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize