Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
