When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
