Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
