i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
