I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
