Yo dont text me then not text me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
