Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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