Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
