i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
