everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
