i permit you to call me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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