i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
