I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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