Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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