I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
