i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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