your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
