The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
