i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
