Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
