you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
