Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize