Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
