I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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