I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
