hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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