i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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