it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well you can't waste a boner
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
