She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
