the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
