I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
