I smell stomach acid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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