I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
