have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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