Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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