She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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