I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize