if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
