Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
