you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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