i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
