So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
