Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How external is "for external use only"?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
