I'm lost and stupid without you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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