Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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