Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
