is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
