Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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