Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
