My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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