Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
