The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
