I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
