Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
