We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
