PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
