Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
