The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
