my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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