During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
