Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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