Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
