"it" just moved
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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