Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
