I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
