Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize