Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
